6 Ways Your Mind Gaslights You

This week, I want to talk about the many ways the mind lies to us, and how very convincing it can be, even when it’s completely wrong.

When I was struggling with my mental health as a teenager, my mind was constantly belittling me.

“You can’t have that.” “You can’t do that.”

“Everyone’s judging you.” “You’re useless.” “You’re pathetic.” “Nobody likes you”...

On and on it went, at a rapid pace, in pretty much every moment.

I thought my mind was the problem - this horrible affliction I needed to somehow catapult out of my head, so I could finally get some peace. Turns out, that wasn’t quite an option… nor was it going to address the root cause.

See, my mind wasn’t faulty - it had simply learned to speak in distortions.

Fluent in fear, it was stuck in survival patterns that perceived everything as a threat, assumed the worst, and never felt enough.

Here are 6 of those distortions that you may notice piping up in your own mind:

1. All or Nothing Thinking

Also known as black-and-white thinking, this distortion is where we see things in absolute terms.

For example:

“If I’m not always fun and engaging, I’m a boring person.”

“If they don’t text me back immediately, they must not care about me.”

2. Overgeneralisation

Drawing a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If one bad thing happens, you begin to believe it’s bound to happen over and over again.

Look for words such as “never”, “always”, “everyone”, or “no one”.

For example:

“I always mess things up.”

“I'm never included.”

3. Catastrophising (C) & Minimisation (M)

Blowing things out of proportion or shrinking their importance.

Examples:

C: “I didn’t eat healthily this week. I’m going to gain a ton of weight and lose control completely.”

M: “They said they enjoyed talking to me, but they were probably just being polite.”

4. Filtering

Taking negative details and magnifying them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation.

For example:

“I’ve made a lot of progress, but I still have some bad days, so I’m not really improving.”

“I tried to meditate, but my mind wandered a few times, so I’m terrible at it.”

5. Mind Reading

Assuming you know what others think or feel without concrete evidence - making up stories in the mind without checking if they’re true.

For example:

“They must think I’m incompetent.”

“They’re judging how I look.”

“I had nothing interesting to share - they must think I’m so boring or annoying.”

6. Shoulds

Placing rigid or perfectionistic expectations on yourself or others, often tied to guilt or frustration. Holding onto rules about how you or other people should act.

For example:

“I should have achieved more by now.”

“They should know how I feel.”

“I should be able to deal with this better.”

Do any of those feel familiar?

For me, when I started questioning the validity of the voice that constantly put me down, I found it was all volume and zero substance.

And personally, I love the truth - a high value and deep commitment of mine - so, with support, I started dismantling the distortions that were keeping me from living it. I stopped letting fear dictate my reality and creating such a disempowered, fear-fuelled experience.

All those fictions that fear fed me didn’t actually have a leg to stand on, but truth began to hold me up.

I learned to reclaim my mind and use it for myself, not against myself. I rewrote it from fear to love, anxiety to confidence, stress to calm. And anyone can do the same.

For the week ahead consider:

What thoughts have I been treating as truth, without ever questioning them?

What changes when I look at them with curiosity instead of belief?

And keep in mind, as Allan Lokos said, "“Don’t believe everything you think.”